9 Rules for Communication

 We all know how to talk and listen, and most of us think we're good at it 😄but most likely we could all improve. So here are are some tips to improve your communication skills and become a more effective listener at home, work, and with family. 

⏰Timing: When you have an issue you would like to address timing is key. Confronting someone when they first walk in the door or when they are busy is going to reduce the person's ability to be open to listening. A good way to do is this is to ask the other person when they have a moment to talk, that way they can be mentally prepared and not caught off guard. 

📏 Guidelines: Setting some guides for the discussion is important to keep things from escalating. Such as agreeing to take breaks if one person becomes too dysregulated. People stop listening when others begin yelling. 

👀 Listen with your eyes: A person's body language communicates a lot. So pay close attention to the other persons tone, inflections, eye contact, and any changes in their body language when speaking. This will also help keep you focused on what they are saying instead of thinking about how you want to respond.

🧠 Seek to Understand first: Often times we are trying very hard to get the other person to understand our perspective, and they try to get us to understand theirs, which can get you stuck on a merry-go-round. Instead if you listen to understand with curiosity the other person will feel understood and then be more open to hearing your side. 

👼 Assume the best: When you assume the other person has the best intentions for the discussion both parties will be less defensive. Setting a goal for the discussion is a great way for doing this. You could even say "My intention for this conversation is that we solve this issue together". 

🧩 Who owns the problem: Often times we assign ownership of a problem to the other person, presenting a problem as something that they need to fix. However, if we view the problem as being outside of the relationship, something that needs to be solved together as a team, you will decrease defensiveness and the other persons willingness to make change. 

🤼 Collaborate and negotiate: The goal of a discussion should not be to win, but to come away closer, to increase understanding or to solve a problem. Sometimes that means compromising.

⛔ Agree to an ending: 3 possible outcomes to a discussion are agree, disagree, or agree to disagree. Not all issues are going to be able to be agreed upon, but if you utilize the suggested communication tools you will increase your ability to have empathy, respect and understanding for the other person, which will ultimately result in an improved relationship. 

🔍 Evaluate: Lastly evaluate the situation with the other party. Ask what was helpful and was not helpful during the discussion, that way you are continuing to learn how be a more effective communicator.